i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
