I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
