This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
