FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
