Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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