When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
