at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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