He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
