Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
