I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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