I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
