ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
