Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
