yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Drunk is not a location!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
