The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
50% drunk capacity currently
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
