she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.