Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.