We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.