Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.

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  (850): It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store. http://tfl.nu/3zcn
  Replies (17) Good night (637) Bad night (2072) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  They should really pass out barf bags in church

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  (510): They should really pass out barf bags in church http://tfl.nu/wu06
  Replies (16) Good night (2080) Bad night (802) Order T-Shirt
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  (951): View more from California

  This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.

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  (951): This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago. http://tfl.nu/53yc
  Replies (6) Good night (694) Bad night (3918) Order T-Shirt
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  (510): View more from California

  And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"

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  (510): And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work" http://tfl.nu/x4nq
  Replies (40) Good night (696) Bad night (10454) Order T-Shirt
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.

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  (701): two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room. http://tfl.nu/az3h
  Replies (31) Good night (690) Bad night (8462) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.

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  (586): The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis. http://tfl.nu/rix3
  Replies (17) Good night (5002) Bad night (1019) Order T-Shirt
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.

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  (765): well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too. http://tfl.nu/2o1v
  Replies (16) Good night (4364) Bad night (734) Order T-Shirt
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  (424): View more from California

  I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.

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  (424): I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing. http://tfl.nu/4boy
  Replies (11) Good night (5534) Bad night (1046) Order T-Shirt
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  (+34): View more from Spain

  what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30

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  (+34): what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30 http://tfl.nu/zswr
  Replies (7) Good night (701) Bad night (3874) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb

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  (503): gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb http://tfl.nu/zgfq
  Replies (24) Good night (4187) Bad night (912) Order T-Shirt
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.

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  (519): He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba. http://tfl.nu/mbtr
  Replies (7) Good night (2712) Bad night (618) Order T-Shirt
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What time did you start drinking?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Maybe isn't a time...

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  (617): What time did you start drinking? (978): Maybe. (617): Maybe isn't a time... http://tfl.nu/r4p5
  Replies (14) Good night (5872) Bad night (630)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..

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  (609): I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex.. http://tfl.nu/qolf
  Replies (5) Good night (1469) Bad night (610) Order T-Shirt
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  (954): View more from Florida

  my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.

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  (954): my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer. http://tfl.nu/ka6k
  Replies (1) Good night (638) Bad night (976) Order T-Shirt
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  (254): View more from Texas

  Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.

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  (254): Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed. http://tfl.nu/8cn8
  Replies (2) Good night (196) Bad night (289)

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