There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
