Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.