I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
