Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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