Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
