And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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