I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
