Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
