So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
