i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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