I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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