Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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