I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
