after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
