I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
