I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
