It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
