I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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