Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
it glows. i had to have it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
