Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
