Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
