The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Randomize
