I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
