Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
