She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
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I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
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You pole danced in your parka.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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