Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
