god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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