I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
