she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
