i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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