My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
