hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
be right there i have to get my cape
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
