im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
