I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
