And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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