was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
