Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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