You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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