Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
