I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
