I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
