wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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