What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
