i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
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If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
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No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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