Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
