I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
