his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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