...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
