She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
