need another drink. this is the easiest way
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Randomize
