Yo dont text me then not text me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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