It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
