tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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