ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
