Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
