and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
