I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
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