legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
