The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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