Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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