Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
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am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
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omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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