don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
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